Being a Dad Has It's Perks

Party Ring Anyone?

Like many prestigious roles in life the role of Dad is not without it's perks. Here are my 5 mostly shallow perks of fatherhood.

Tastier than Keira?

1. Dads get to go to kids' films

Fed up with movies with plots out of a Dostoevsky novel. Squeamish about blood and gore? Rather laugh at a cute monster than lust over Keira Knightley? Get to be a Dad - because Dads get to watch kids movies and kids movies are clinically proven to be better than films with subtitles and/or a dark subplot.

2. Dads get to eat party food

There is no greater taste on earth than the flavours created by factory boffins to adorn kids party food. The brightly coloured delights that are Party Ring biscuits, Iced Gems and fruit jelly just beg to be eaten by the discerning gourmet and as a Dad at a birthday party you get to choose your own treats and eat as much as you want.
Just offer to clear up after the party guests have gone and hoover the sweet treats before anybody else gets their hands on them.

3. Dads get to watch their kids perform

Dads are men of rock. Their bottom lips are rare to wobble and their tear ducts are criminally underused. However, put a Dad on a touchline or in the audience when their kids are the stars and you see a different beast altogether.
Watch them swell with pride and choke back emotion as their progeny relives the dreams of their dim and distant past.

4. Dads get to read bedtime stories

If I ever get invited onto Desert Island Discs and am asked what luxury I would take to my desert island I know exactly what I would ask for:

• A small child (preferably one of my own)
• A book - one of the Bartholomew Bear stories, Dr Seuss or our current favourite - Pippi Longstocking.
• For the time to be fixed permanently at 7.30pm

There are few things as bonding as reading to your child just before bedtime. We started when the Dubmeister was 2 weeks old and we haven't looked back. I am lucky enough to be home before my kids go to bed most nights - and the nights when I don't get to read to at least one of them feel much emptier than those when I do.

5. Dads get to be heroes

Every man needs to be a hero and as a Dad you get to live the dream. The dads of pre-schoolers bask in the glow of toddler adulation as they wield a hammer with expertise and panache (in their children's eyes). For a precious period everything we do is wonderful. Every muscle we own is taut and every car we drive is faster than Lewis Hamilton's.
Man was made to bask in a dose of glory and the Dads of the very small get soaked in it.

from www.alotedbabe.blogspot.com

Speak soon
JH

PS More musings on being a Dad Alone here, on the changing relationship with our children here and a list of reasons why Dad Knows Best here.

Dad Alone!

Can he survive?

I have been alone since Wednesday morning with nobody but 2 cats and a gang of whistling builders to keep me company.

This experience of solitude has enabled me to ask the question:

How does a Married Dad with Kids (A Madwik) survive without company?

These are the 4 issues you must consider next time you leave your Madwik on his own.

1. The Madwik needs a list

Every time my lovely wife leaves me on my own for more than a few hours I am given a list. As she is away for 4 nights this time I now have a very long list.
Lists are essential for the Madwik because without them we are left to our own devices - and that is a VERY BAD THING!

2. The Madwik has poor time management skills

A Madwik left on his own is very poor at managing his own time - particularly when night falls and the good telly starts. Madwiks can often be seen at way past midnight rubbing the sleep from their eyes as they desparately try to find Dave so that they can chuckle their way through another re-run of Mock The Week.

3. The Madwiks thrive on adrenaline

An impressive by product of the Madwik's cavalier attitude to time management is a phenomenon known as the "Quick hoover and tidy." This phenomenon, which has never been witnessed by any woman ever, is the Madwik at his best. Those of us lucky enough to possess this skill will effortlessly tidy and hoover the house whilst fabricating perfect excuses for not completing the trickier items on the list, before our significant other ends our solitude.

4. Madwiks have little grasp of the rudimentaries of a balanced diet

When a Madwik is left alone they do not eat anything green. They use their new found freedom to eschew the virtues of five a day in favour of foods that come wrapped in cellophane with slogans encouraging the user to enjoy in moderation.

This basic weakness of the Madwik is often spotted by generous females who will offer meals and food parcels in an effort to save the Madwik from themselves.

Speak soon (if I survive!)
JH

PS If you enjoyed this post you might want to read about Why Mums Know Best as well.

Why Mum Knows Best

From www.foodandculture.wikispaces.com

In a break with tradition this daddy blogger has been carrying out genuine non-scientific research to prove that despite my protestations to the contrary - mum really does know best!

1. Mums never forget

Mums are born with a brain enhancement called the "store-all" by scientists. This gives them the ability to remember eveything they have ever been told.

• Want to know when Sabrina's birthday is? Ask mum.
• Want to know what grade W got for History 2 years ago last November?  Ask mum.
• Want to know when M's follow-up appointment with the orthodontist is?  Ask mum.

Dads try very hard to develop the store-all - but it just ain't happening.

2. Mums are better at wrapping up

• Want to give a present that looks good before it is opened?
• Want to give a present that doesn't look like a monkey has been playing football with it?

Ask mum.

It is a scientific fact that dads can't wrap up - we just can't. Our presents always end up scrunched up rather than wrapped up. Whereas mums know what to do with ribbon and never lose the end of a roll of Sellotape. 

3. Mums have the better fashion sense

Not sure which colours go together?

Worried about making a fashion faux pas?

Ask mum.

Never ever ask dad or you'll end up with your tights outside your pants and/or a blue/brown clothes combination.

They say that outside appearances don't matter but when you have been dressed by dad, believe me they do!

By Liz Clayton. From www.falmouth.ac.uk

4. Mums know that carrots are better for you than chocolate

Looking to fulfill your 5 a day? Want to see in the dark rather than glow in the dark?

Ask mum.

Mums were born knowing that 1 leaf of iceberg lettuce and a glass of Cherry Cola do not constitute 2 of the essential 5.

They know about minerals, fibre and vitamins and do not fear them!

5. Mums smell nicer

This again is a scientific fact. Mums just smell nice.

Ask yourself this question: Who would you prefer to sit next to on a six hour coach journey?

If you possess a sense of smell then you know the answer as the lack of a "stinking after a curry" washed down with a pint of Old Thumper 3 days ago faultline within their genetic mixtape counts very much in a mum's favour.

Ladies, have I missed anything out? Chaps, is this fair?

Speak Soon

JH