Competitive Dad?

There are two ways to play games with your kids.

Dad 1 plays to encourage, and often to lose - but not in an obvious way of course. He plays "soft" in order to encourage his little darlings who will enjoy the game and be motivated to play again by winning. This strategy avoids the situation of little darling throwing an almighty wobbly when Daddy takes their "horsey" for the third game of Chess in a row! The child's self esteem grows enormously as they win against their parents and they begin to realise that we are fallible after all - a valuable life lesson.

However, this soft approach runs the risk of creating a spoilt brat who can't cope with defeat. Losing is all part of life's rich tapestry and we grow by working through the disappointment of defeat and coming out the other side.

The alternative approach is personified by Dad 2. He has a different approach altogether.

From the Fast Show (BBC) - Competitive Dad and Monopoly

Dad 2 plays to win. There are no holds barred as he seeks to defeat his opponent by any means possible - whether they be 7 or 27. Not for him the kindness shown to animals in Chess or a deliberately missed penalty flick in Subbuteo. He justifies his competitive streak by saying that the children have got to learn to play hard while secretly (or not so secretly) glorifying in identifying the murderer in Cluedo for the 5th evening in a row. 

So, which are you?

My grandfather was definitely the latter. Whatever the game, he always played to win. I never beat him at tennis - we played our last game when he was eighty something - and I remember tears stinging my eyes at the age of 12 over a game of whist as he snatched victory from me with the last hand of the game.

I, on the other hand, am more of the former - maybe as a result of that experience. I like children to feel encouraged and do not mind losing  - after all the world will not stop turning if I lose a game of "Farm Friends."

But who is right? Is it better to play to win or to encourage?

Are you Dad 1 or Dad 2?

Speak Soon

JH

Inspired by the Olympics - Be The Best

"Anything's possible ... It's just hard work and grafting." (Farah wins the 5000m)
Photo from The Sun

The Olympics is over!

For 16 days my family and I have been glued to the exploits of the athletes of the world as they have shown us just what the human spirit is capable of. We have oohed at the speed of Usain Bolt, aahed at the courage of the Boxers, Judo and Taekwondo players and welled up as the national anthem filled the stadiums over and over again.

The moment that hit home for many Team GB fans was the evening of the second Saturday as Somali refugee Mo Farah, gold medallist already in the 10,000m, pulled away from the chasing pack and raised his arms in startled jubilation to add the Gold in the 5,000 to his collection. Steve Cram, commentating on the race for the BBC summed it up in one word "Beautiful."

Mo's story is inspirational on so many levels. That a boy can come from nothing to be double Olympic champion speaks to anybody who has ever had a dream or has aspired to be better. He has always been a talented athlete but hit his peak relatively late in his career because it is only in the run up to the London Olympics that he has begun to make the sacrifices necessary to reach the top. He puts his success down to "hard work and grafting."

Inspired to be the Best

Now I am 42 I have finally admitted to myself that I may never become an Olympian after all. My days as a track cyclist are over, my dreams of sailing glory are unlikely (I suffer from sea sickness) and my loosening six pack makes the beach volleyball an unattractive proposition. However, I have been inspired by these Olympics and I wanted to log it here to remind myself - when the days get longer, the telly gets better and life gets harder (usually at the beginnning of November) - just what I wanted to be better at.

I have resolved to be the best that I can be.

The best Dad I can be.
The best Husband I can be.
The best Son I can be.
The best Brother I can be.
The best Friend I can be.

I think the key to this aim will be TIME - or rather the wise use of time.

I know that I waste time - on the internet, on TV, on displacement activities, on watching the world go by - so that will be the main area where I will need to make Farah- type sacrifices so that I can put more time into the people that matter most.

I will also need to put OTHERS FIRST - as you grow up and acquire more life roles it becomes more difficult to strike the right balance (particularly when you stir work into the mix) - and give those important people the time they deserve.

Finally, I also need to do stuff for MYSELF - which sounds contradictory I know - but when you want to give to others it is also important to give to yourself. I don't think all of us fathers do enough for ourselves because of the competing demands we face. So, I have resolved to get fit (9 mile bike ride yesterday) and get back in touch with friends I have lost contact with.

So, the Best Me starts now. I will let you know how it goes.

Have you been inspired by the Olympics? Do you face these same challenges? Do you have any advice for me?

Speak soon
JH

PS - One of the most important legacies of the London Olympics has been for women in sport. For the first time ever, every country sent at least one female athlete to the games. It is particularly significant for Britain because of the superb performances of our female athletes. As a father of 2 girls I will be celebrating this SOON.

Boys and Girls Are Different

As a father of 1 boy and 2 girls I feel qualified to state the obvious:

Boys and Girls are Different.

It has not always been fashionable to make this assertion. In the world of "Political Correctness Gone Mad" - the risk of saying that boys and girls are just plain different was a frankly dangerous thing to do. But then, that was to avoid the obvious conclusion that boys and girls are, indeed, different.

Here are my 5 reasons for stating the obvious.

Watching Football with kids

"I love those sofa based footy fans with kids." From BBC Sport.

There is a forgotten army of men who continue to play a valued and yet unheralded role in the sporting prowess of this great nation. They sacrifice their time, money and energies in the pursuit of sporting excellence. They are of course, the sofa based footy fans with kids.

Before we had children watching football was straight forward. Open the fridge, find a beer, pop open a bag of Doritos, switch on the telly, sit down and .................. watch.

Aaaah the good old days.

Watching footy now is no longer the straight forward process it used to be.

The Weekend Picture No.6

Happy Father's Day!

The Heroism of Fathers on the Titanic 2

The sinking of the RMS Titanic is an event that still touches us all.

There can't be many of us who have not asked themselves what they would have done had they been on board on the 14th-15th April 1912.

It is an event that I have found particularly poignant since I became a father. Would I have been able to let women and children go first. Could I have stood on the deck and watched my wife and family being led away from me to safety, knowing that I would never see them again? Could I have been a hero?

Hopefully that is not a question that I will ever have to answer - but it is one that the Reverend John Harper was faced with.

Welcome to my world

My grandfather was a very wise and special man. 

He died (aged 97) in 2007. He used to love watching me play with my children (his great grandchildren). He always used to comment on what a different relationship I had with W, M and E and how he wished he had been able to spend more time with his 5 children.

A father's role today is an immensely rich, important and special one, as it always has been. However, a dad today plays a completely different role from that played by our fathers and grandfathers.

In fact it would be more accurate to say that a dad today is expected to play far more roles than the generations that have gone before.

Work/ home life balance, often a long commute, possibly an active role in the local community/ church, more often than not caring for elderly parents, winning the bread (or at least a large part of it), husband/ partner all compete with the role of being dad.

Thats why I have named this blog "Dad etc" - because I am going to try to reflect the broad reach of the 21st century dad's role through the posts of this blog.

First, a disclaimer. My oldest is 12 so I have 12 years experience as a dad and I have boys and girls BUT I am no childcare expert - these are merely my musings on my life as a Dad etc. They can obviously only reflect my experiences - as limited as they are.

Juggling

I have always wanted to learn how to juggle. A friend of mine once taught me how but I have never got beyond juggling 3 balls for a few seconds before they all crash to the floor.

Life for a Dad in the 21st century is like that isnt it. 

No wonder I wanted to learn to juggle.

No wonder I keep dropping balls.

Speak again soon.

JH